Don’t sweat over the threat of losing your job. They flew your ass halfway across the world, so it’d be cheaper to keep you there!

Just kidding. Just believe in yourself. You’ll do fine.

And if worst comes to work, I know you’re capable of making awesome cups of tea

Interesting comment on not seeing any cops. You should try to steal something and see what the reaction time will be. Stash the stolen stuff in Ivan’s room. Then when the cops haul him off to the Chooky, you’ll be the proud owner of a whole new wardrobe, toiletries and some electronics. Everybody wins.

Except Ivan. But then if everyone won, winning would lose its special appeal! I’m sure Ivan’ll understand. It might even mean that he’ll pick up some new Swiss pen-friends in the slammer. And, come to think of it, he IS South African.

From what I gather on the Travel channel, most people found in Swiss jails tend to be connoisseurs of fine Methylated spirits.
By default Ivan’ll be 10 times tougher than the average Swiss Bum. He could rule that jail with an Iron Fist. He could be, like, the King of the Bern Bums, or something.

Personally, I wouldn’t like my claim to fame to be the “King of Bums”. Any type of bum. Really.

Have you found any martial arts clubs up there? While you’re there you should old-skool challenge the “Senseis” for the right to beat them and take over their clubs. Jingshen Tai Chi could have a Swiss branch!! Think about it. Then because you’re the Shi-Goong, they’ll have to do what you tell them to! More free stuff…

Lay off the pizza! Eat veggies! Chat to you tonight.